finding my memory

Thanks to that app called "Timehop," I am able to see my Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter posts from this day a year ago.  And two, and three, and four and five years ago.  It's pretty awesome.  It's a tiny little flashback to look forward to each day.  

Tonight I got curious and wanted to see more of this day, one year ago.  I took to iPhoto.

Oh, man.  The memories come flying right back.  Jude was 9 days old and I was clearly still in that newborn "fog."  Still adjusting, still in some pain (but healing) from birth, exhausted, and completely in love and obsessed with that little miracle of a human being in my arms.

We were still living in our old place at the time...our sweet little treasure-box house.  My great-grandmother's china hutch was stuffed into the corner to give us as much space as possible for more important things...you know, the floor gym and bouncy seat and swing. 

My hair, which was most likely unwashed, was twisted into one of those blobs that you only wear because there isn't any chance you'll be leaving the house that day.  I'd forgotten what makeup was and I was most likely sweaty (Who knew that sweating a lot after you have a baby is a thing?  I sure didn't).  I lived in yoga pants and nursing tanks, along with that gray sweatshirt robe that Mom got me for Christmas.  The yellow notepad on the arm of the couch was for recording Jude's feedings.  The blue chevron water cup never left my side.

The leopard-print snuggie was for the long, dark, quiet and lonely nights when Jude was wide awake and all he wanted was to be by his mommy.  When it was calm or softly raining outside I'd open the windows, and the boy and I would get all wrapped up together.  Oh, how precious.  The memory is so close I can feel it.  I truly treasured those moments and now I wish I could take one of them back and re-live it.

Although...now, one year later, I'll go to bed and sleep through the night.  AMEN!!!

:)

My One Year

It has been:

the messiest year,

the most emotional year,

the busiest year,

the most frustrating year,

the craziest year,

the hardest year of my life.

And it has been, without a doubt:

the absolute best year of my life.

Our boy turned 1 on Friday.  All evening and into the night on Thursday, April 16, all I could think about were the memories of "one year ago."  

One year ago, we were eating our last dinner out as a family of two.  (We went to The Quarry of course, and I had my usual grilled Caesar with salmon...still counting carbs up to the very last second!)

One year ago, we were working out in the weight room.  (The fastest I could walk on the treadmill was 2.7 mph and I was huffing and puffing.)

One year ago, we were double-checking our bags, then loading them into the car.

One year ago, Tom was taking Ny-Quil and going to bed. (At 8:30 pm.  If you have read Jude's birth story, you know why this ended up being kind of funny.  At the time I was not amused.)

One year ago, we were waiting for my sister to arrive at our house.

One year ago, I sat straight up in bed with sudden labor, pain ripping through my abdomen, thinking WHAT WAS THAT??

I laid in bed last Thursday night, not able to shake the one year ago memories off and go to sleep.  

I couldn't get his sweet, fresh newborn face out of my mind.

I finally drifted off at 12:00, whispering "happy birthday" to my sweet boy on the video monitor.  He was snuggled up with his bear, perfectly content.  And one year old.

 Since Tom and my nephew also have birthdays in April, my family got together over the weekend to celebrate all of them in one swoop.  Here are some snapshots:

Jude's daycare provider decorated her home on Friday for his birthday!

Saying goodbye to one of his playmates before leaving on Friday.  He loves his daycare and all of his buddies.

 Friday night was all about BAKING.  I don't bake very often so this is a rare occasion.  The dark chocolate fudge cake balls and vanilla cupcakes turned out great, but not without some frustrating moments.  My kitchen was a disaster!  It looked like Frosty the Snowman puked all over it once I was done.  I think that's why I don't like baking...flour gets EV.ER.Y.WHERE.  And powdered sugar.  And granulated sugar.  And egg shells.  And butter wrappers.  And all the things.  

I want to be a great baker.  I want to create beautiful and delicious cakes and muffins and scones...but I just don't have the patience for it!  Measure this, measure something else, get it to this perfect temperature, don't let it sit out for too long, mix this at this speed for this many minutes, AHHHH!!!  Frustrating!  I'm a much better cook than I am a baker...I would much rather create food with my senses than be confined to a recipe.  Maybe someday soon I'll be in an extra-patient mood so I can try my hand at these.

This gorgeous picture, however, shows the vanilla buttercream frosting I made.  OH MY GOSH!  It was perfect!  I used the Williams-Sonoma recipe for the frosting as well as the cupcakes.

Saturday -- my sister's family arrived so the real fun could begin! 

My niece and I had a kitchen floor tea party  :)

The neighbor girls came over to play...

Almost birthday time!

My big boy!  Grandma and Grandpa N. gave him a trike!

He LOVED his cupcake!

 My mom made this beautiful layered strawberry cream cake.  Apparently I did not inherit her baking genius.

Aren, Jude and Tom: the birthday boys!

I'm off to do a very important soundcheck for a gig that I am SO excited about...... can't tell you about it yet, though.  :)

Have a great week!  Love, Betsy

SPRING!!

Iowa is a great state to live in for a lot of reasons.  The changing of seasons is one of my favorites.  We get to experience four of them, each of them beautiful...yes, even winter. :)

I'm 33 years old, and it never fails: SPRING amazes me!  Every year.  I think that is why Easter is my favorite holiday.  Yesterday was a beautiful Easter day.  

Throughout the day yesterday, I was reminded of my son's birth last year.  He was born during holy week (Thursday, April 17th, 2014).  It was the day before Easter when we brought him home.  It was an incredible feeling of "newness."  Yes, I was completely and utterly overwhelmed, but I also felt new.  New baby, new life, new outlook, new priorities, new awareness.  Outside the house, I saw new leaves, new grass, new baby ducks.  The world sparkled!  Everything was overtaken by this "newness."

Jude Thomas, 24 hours old.

Yesterday I was walking into church with my guitar for the Easter service and breathed deeply.  NEW, fresh, spring air...it was heaven!  Finally, finally, I feel like winter is behind us and we can embrace the new.

Here are some snapshots from our Easter weekend...

On Thursday, we stopped at our neighbors' house during our walk so Jude could meet his little friend Jonathan.  These two were so cute together!  I cannot get enough of their pudgy baby legs.  And their giggles.  So sweet!

That evening, I worked on a new design for my chalkboard in the entry way: 

I'd like to thank Pinterest for the design.  None of that is a result of my own creativity.  :)

On Friday, I was blessed to spend the day with two of my wonderful music teacher colleagues for some professional development.  We took a lunch break at one of my favorite Mason City restaurants, The Hungry Mind.  Herbal tea instead of water...it was slightly chilly outside!

And the famous club sandwich, which was as big as my head.

We made a quick stop at Hallmark to pick up a card for a colleague who has been out on medical leave, and I got to see this former student of mine working there!  I'm so proud of him...he is planning to go to college to play his saxophone and be a music teacher!

And then this happened:

I'm going to call this a Mason City Classic.  Seriously...this town keeps me on my toes.  I'd say this was odd, but...for MC, it's not.  :)

I went over to the church to practice an Easter song with my friend Molly.  Trinity church is beautiful.  I love to take pictures of the sanctuary when it's quiet and empty.

Jude received an Easter basket from his wonderful daycare provider! :)

It was one of those "perfect" Saturdays.  I had a relaxing morning with a friend at Cabin Coffee, Jude ate quinoa for lunch (LOVED it) and Tom got to go golfing at the Country Club.  I was a little jealous even though I'm the World's Most Terrible Golfer. 

Easter Sunday: HE IS RISEN!

When we were setting up for our offering song...

I told Tom that Jude was laying down his addiction, his burden, his stronghold...at the foot of the cross.  LOL.  Actually, he just dropped his binky.

After church, Jude had his Easter lunch...or should I say, wore it?  This boy loves sweet potatoes and squash.  He loves it all over his FACE!  I need a power washer for this kid.

Naptime = mimosa time for mommy and daddy...

And dinner, which I sadly didn't take pictures of... pork loin, cheesy potatoes, kale salad, and rolls.  Just for the two of us.  It was lovely and delicious.

Later on, Jude destroyed the magazine basket while we watched the Cubs season opener!

He has slept THROUGH THE NIGHT the past two nights!  HALLELUJAH!!!  Quick, find some wood for me to knock on.  It's been great and I hope it continues forever.  The past 6 months have been up-and-down, a roller coaster of sleep patterns.  Mama needs sleep.  Mama also needs the bags under her eyes to go away. 

Have a wonderful week, everyone!

Love, Betsy

"You Can't Screw It Up": another non-recipe

It's been a while.  Inconsistent blog writing is what I do, apparently.

After Amy died, I wanted absolutely nothing to do with my blog.  It was too hard.  Amy was a talented, passionate blogger and every time I opened my laptop and attempt to write something during the days following that terrible accident, all I would do is cry.

I feel tears in my eyes now, after clicking on Amy's beautifully crafted blog and remembering her.  Every day I think of her, and her dear family, and every day it is still hard.  So, I cling to the hope that I am continuously reminded of (Romans 8:23-25) and say another prayer for her family.

I love following the work of these gals that are part of Amy's group, North Iowa Bloggers: Loni, Jeni, Donna, Val, BethAnn and Katy.  Reading the tributes they wrote about Amy was like pulling energy and strength right out of my computer.  So, it's time to "be okay" with blogging again.

Today, it's all about the crock pot once again.  It took a brief respite during basketball season, but this week I realized how close we're getting to actual spring (not calendar spring.  We've already gotten to calendar spring.  ACTUAL spring is when the weather stops teasing us and becomes consistently warm!).  Cozy, comfort food recipes become less and less appealing as the weather warms up.  So, I made a beef roast. 

I was a little obsessed with making roast this fall, when Tom and I discovered that we had about 1/8 of a steer still lurking in our deep freezer.  We found several 1 1/2 - 2 lb cuts and I had a great time trying out new combinations of flavors and seasonings in the crock pot.  I think we ate it once a week, and I even got to provide a big home-cooked meal for the two boys we had student teaching in our classrooms.

Something I've learned about crock pot meals that involve larger cuts of meat is that it is nearly impossible to screw them up...IF you use the right cooking times and enough liquid.  This is good news for me...I rarely stay true to a recipe.  This particular concoction is definitely another non-recipe experiment.  It's just the stuff I had on hand...and it turned out perfect. 

Start with a 3-lb chuck roast (I got mine at Hy Vee).  Trim off any excess fat, and season with salt and pepper.

  
Are you picky about the salt you use?  I am.

THIS STUFF:

I haven't used table salt for anything other than baking in years.  Kosher is where it's at for cooking.  It sits in this cute little pottery bowl right on my stove.

After you season the meat, brown it in a large skillet with a little olive oil.  Make sure you brown both sides.  I forgot the picture of this, because I got busy with my carrots and onions.  This is a half of a red onion and about 1/3 of a bag of organic baby carrots, hanging out in the crock pot.

After the meat has browned, take it out and set it on top of the onions and carrots in the pot.  Then, the best step: deglaze your skillet with some red wine.  

Important note:  Don't be like me and buy the cheap stuff!  Flip Flop Pinot Noir worked okay for the recipe, but it wasn't the highest quality drinking wine.

After deglazing (I probably dumped in about a half cup), let that wine get all magical and delicious by reducing it for a few minutes.

And drink some of it.  My friend Jaime told me after my other blog post involving a cheap, musty-tasting red from Aldi, which I ended up drinking anyway, "Bad wine is better than no wine."

I didn't have any beef broth, so I dug out some au jus mix.  I added 8 oz of jus plus the red wine reduction to the crock pot...

and decided more wine from the bottle wasn't going to hurt anything.

I crushed some garlic cloves and tossed those in, as well...

and 7.5 hours later, THIS!

It's a bad picture!  LOL!  I didn't take any photos after I plated it because it wasn't the prettiest thing I've ever made.  Also, I didn't want to waste a single second of time.  It was a very rare occasion for Tom and I to have dinner, in our own home, ALONE with no baby.  We waited to eat until Jude had gone to bed.  I think we need to do that more often.  It was wonderful to listen to great music and talk without our sweet lil guy needing us.

By the way...Jude will be ONE YEAR OLD in a few short weeks.  Here are some recent shots with his daddy:

at church...

helping daddy announce at the middle school shoot-off...

and playing a hammer-on.  :)

Anyway, back to the topic at hand...

You may be wondering: Where are the potatoes in that crock pot?  Good question.  We were out of potatoes.  I was a super-classy cook and made some hash browns to pair with it.  Hey, if Tom likes it, I call it a success.

We also had some wonderful sesame bread and a steamed vegetable side.  And now we are looking forward to some French dips as a result of the huge amount of leftovers!

Next post: SodaStream.  Best purchase EVER.

I hope you all have a great week!  :)

Love, Betsy

no.

I've been saying that word constantly, out loud and in my mind, for the past day and a half.  Between fits of tears and long moments of silence, amongst the fake enthusiasm I've shown for my job all day and partial, artificial smiles at co-workers and students passing by my classroom.

My friend died.

No.  It can't be true.  It's got to be a mistake.  IT HAS TO BE A MISTAKE!!  NO!!!

Why?...why?...No.  It has to be a mistake.

No.

Amy.  The daughter of my dear friend and music teaching colleague Deb.  Fellow blogger.  Lover of life, art, travel, food, music, friends, family, her fiance and sweet puppy.

I am heartbroken.

Psalm 34:18  “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

Today while scriptures were rolling through my head I said "Lord, your word is written on my heart and I hear you.  I hear you and I know your truth.  But right now we are fighting.  I disagree with this because I DO NOT GET IT.  WHY does it have to be this way?"

He says: MY THOUGHTS ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS; MY WAYS ARE NOT YOUR WAYS.

I type the words into my phone's Bible app.  Yup, there they are, in Isaiah 55.

So I sit.  I wonder, for the thousandth time today, why.  I ask again: WHY?

Just..... why?  Lord, why?  She's gone, why?

And then this:

Psalm 73:26  “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”

So I think about that word again, and again.  Forever.

John 14:1-4  “Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going."

MY THOUGHTS ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS; MY WAYS ARE NOT YOUR WAYS.

So I ponder this.  And I seek more of the word hoping to gain a tiny bit more wisdom through it.

The Casting Crowns song, what are the words?...I am a flower quickly fading, here today and gone tomorrow...a wave tossed in the ocean, a vapor in the wind...

Not because of who I am, but because of what You've done.

This is not fair.  THIS IS NOT FAIR.  And I think that this feeling, these emotions, this intense sadness, the unexpected terrible sudden "goodbye," is not for us.  We were not created for this kind of despair.  We weren't.  

We were created for God.

We were created to be eternal.  And because Jesus paid the price, we can be eternal.

Because of what You've done.

My friend Amy is with Jesus.  THAT IS AMAZING, PRAISE HIM!!!  Praise Him for her life and praise Him for this amazing gift of salvation!!
  

And suddenly, I'm a fool to be wallowing.  It's that strange war between the flesh and the spirit.  We can't fathom eternity...the human nature we are born into prevents that.  Alone, we have zero chance and zero hope past our pathetic, short, meaningless human lives.

But HE is our hope.

He is Amy's.  He is her strength.  And now she is with Him.

You will be missed, dear girl.

Psalm 119:50  “My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life.”

"It's Worth It"

You've heard that phrase thousands of times.  

What are things in your life that get tagged as "worth it?"  Here are mine.  Some are deep and meaningful; some are just for fun.  They are in no particular order.

1.  Going out to eat.

I love to eat at restaurants.  Choosing from a full menu, the anticipation before the food arrives, the way drinks always taste better at restaurants (Have you noticed?  Even water and soda taste better.  Why is this?), not having to clear tables and do dishes...it's worth every penny.  

My two favorite places in Mason City (and my typical orders):

The Quarry
On the tapas menu: the edamame, Lala's mussels, and chicken wings
From the dinner menu: the grilled Caesar salad with salmon, scallops with orange glaze, New Age white.

Chop
Appetizer: the Beef and Bleu Fondue
Entree: Filet Oscar with Greek pasta, cabernet.

Okay, now I am hungry.  Moving on.

2.  Expensive makeup.

I bought Cover Girl and Maybelline for years, with an occasional Clinique splurge whenever it was "bonus time."  Before Tom and I got married, I was introduced to Bare Minerals and I haven't looked back.  I LOVE each and every product I've ever used.  My favorites are the original foundation and the Mineral Veil.

3.  Flying.

To me, there is no better way to travel.  Road trips sound great in theory...but the United States is big.  Before reaching your destination, you have to put up with a lot of boring space between landmarks and cities.  Give me a fast, efficient airplane over a gas-hungry, uncomfortable vehicle any day.

4.  Labor.

18 hours of pain, exhaustion, frustration, and endless waiting...absolutely WORTH IT. 

5.  Professional hair color.

This beautiful friend of mine is Kati.  She is my stylist and she is a genius.  Sometimes I have an idea for color and she'll look at me and say "No."  :)  She's always right and she always, ALWAYS has a great idea for my next hair color.  Right now I have a rainbow of low-lights and I'm excited to get back in there soon for an all-over brightening session for spring/summer!  Love you, Miss Kati.

6.  Top-of-the-line guitars.

When I started playing guitar, I was 17 years old.  My dad and I went shopping at a local music store and I got to pick out a "pretty" instrument of my own.  The shop owner sold me the one I wanted.  There was no discussion of neck width, string spacing, electronics, hardware, action, tone or general fit.  I picked the one that looked prettiest!  HAHA!  Now, 16 years later, it's completely laughable.  When I started playing more seriously I was graduated from college and doing worship music and coffeehouse gigs with a group of friends.  I complained that I couldn't play bar chords, no matter how hard I worked at it.  My friend Jesse looked at my form and said "it's because the neck is way too thick for your hand."  He handed me his Taylor guitar, and I never looked back.  I saved my money, promptly sold that "pretty" Fender and went to Bob's guitars in Cedar Falls where I got to pick out my very own Taylor guitar.  It is, of course, one of my all-time favorite purchases.  The neck is nice and slim, the waist is small, the body is slimmer, I had the action adjusted to fit my fingers, and I can play bar chords effortlessly.  I have my eyes on another Taylor model and I am waiting until my Masters degree is done to buy it!  Exciting!!

Sidebar: The Mohawk girls just WON!  On to their next game, against Ankeny Centennial.  I am at home with my sleeping boy and so, so thankful that KGLO broadcasts the girls' games so I don't have to truly miss any of them.  Tim Fleming is the absolute BEST announcer!  I am so proud of my husband and his team!  Go Mohawks!!  I also saw that the Clear Lake team is on to state...YES!  

So, tell me: what are things that you have found are "worth it?"  I want to know! 

Enjoy the rest of the precious weekend...spring break is almost here!

Betsy