Mommy Truths

Today we're discussing truths about MOTHERHOOD.

These are the things that have gone through my head ever since April 17, 2014.

Remember how in Jude's birth story I warned about explicit medical details?  Consider yourself re-warned.  (Is that even acceptable English? Re-warned?)

This time I'm warning you about sarcasm and snark.  I don't normally involve those two things in conversation with people; it's not my nature and I find it to be impolite most of the time.  But today, I'm allowing it to happen for the sake of a few laughs and a good honest story.

Let's proceed, shall we?  These are in no particular order whatsoever.

1.  Motherhood is a filthy job.  
I took a shower the morning after Jude was born.  It made me feel like a MILLION DOLLARS.  Every shower I have taken since has made me feel no less than a million dollars.  Breast milk, spit-up, pee (ALL.OVER.EVERYTHING. if you have a boy)...not to mention my own tears and sweat...most days I shower twice a day and there have been a few days where I've taken three.  I like to turn the bathroom lights off and keep this pretty little lamp on while I'm showering...I pretend I'm at an exotic spa and this is my steam treatment.  (I don't think real steam showers at real spas would have rubber duckies on the shelves and washcloths with elephants on them hanging on the towel bar, but whatever.)

2.  Motherhood turns you into a BEAR.  
Once in a while we'll be out in public while Jude is sleeping sweetly in his carrier.  One of these times, an acquaintance of ours said "oh how cute...should we wake him up?"

Should we WAKE him UP??

NO, YOU MORON, I JUST SPENT AN HOUR GETTING HIM TO SLEEP!

Seriously.

Oh, please please know I'm not a mean person.  But COME ON.

(Should we wake him up?)

GRRRRRRRRR!!!!

3.  Motherhood cancels out any concern about appearance.  
I don't think this is true for everyone.  Ladies, if you managed to look cute all the time postpartum, Congratulations, but it's not happening for me.  I'm pleased most days just to get out of yoga pants and into a shirt that doesn't have spit-up on it somewhere.  I rejoice on the days I get to use a hair dryer and put makeup on.  When my husband and I have a date night and I have the thrill of getting ready, I'm convinced I have never looked more beautiful.

4.  Motherhood gives you a new body.  
Did you notice I didn't say "Motherhood ruins your body"?  It's different than it was before...oh, it's WAY different.  But it's in no way ruined.  I actually like it better now.  It makes me feel closer to God and I'll tell you why.  I have pigment on my belly to remind me of my son who grew to full-term inside it.  That's miraculous.  I have scar tissue to remind me of the hard work I endured bringing him into the world.  That is mind-blowing.  My body did this amazing thing, the very thing it was created to do.  Praise God.  How could I possibly hate my body after what it gave me?

My body might return to the shape it was in before Jude was born, and that would be fine.  But I think the best advice I've ever read dealing with postpartum body shape is this interview with Kristen Bell.  AMEN, SISTER.  Let's treasure the bodies our babies gave us.  Let's take good care of our bodies, yes, absolutely...but like Kristen, I refuse to obsess over it.  That energy, effort and emotion is saved for my baby.

5.  Motherhood improves marriage.  
Are you wondering what will happen to your marriage after having a baby?  IT GETS BETTER.  Really.  The first couple weeks of Jude's life, he didn't sleep well.  I was up several times a night, feeding him, calming him, changing him, and completely wearing myself out.  This was a new level of tired.  An exhaustion I've never felt before.  There would be a precious hour or two here and there where I'd actually get to sleep.  I'd crawl into bed next to Tom and instead of rolling over and going back to sleep, he'd wake up a little and give me a hug and snuggle, and tell me he loved me and that I was doing a great job being a mother.  Ummmm......SWOON?!!  Yes.  Get ready, girls, to fall more and more in love with that man of yours when you have a baby.  Also, seeing him with your baby will MELT you into a puddle.  Yes, you'll be a puddle on a daily basis.  It's the sweetest thing in the world. 

6.  Motherhood makes you love ALL kids.  
I am an elementary teacher, and I see children on a daily basis during the school year.  Before I had a baby, this part of my job would become terribly mundane...I saw the kids, I heard them, spent time with them, and got TIRED of them.  Weekends were welcomed and summer was a GIFT.   

After having Jude, I can't wait to get back to my job just so I can see the kids in a different light.  When I see them out in public now, I think about how they've grown.  I listen to what they are saying.  I respect them.  I think this comes from thinking about my precious boy and wanting him to be treated well by adults as he grows, especially at his school when he enters kindergarten.

7.  Motherhood makes you understand your parents.
I don't know about you, but I definitely had times where I was frustrated with my parents growing up.  Why won't you let me drive to that nearby town festival at 10 pm to hang out with friends?  Why do I NEED to be home at midnight?  Why shouldn't I ride in cars with boys?  Why can't I see an R-rated movie?  Why, why, why?  Argue, whine, cry, fight.  

I get it now.  I GET IT.  I understand the reasoning behind every single argument we ever had, and they were always right.  I have been protective of Jude ever since I knew he existed inside the womb.  I cry when he hurts, I can't stand the thought of him being in harm's way, and I will do everything I can to keep him from danger.

Parents are heroes.  And right now, I've got a special place in my heart for Moms.

Dad, Anne (21), me (17), Mom.  All State 2003.

After our last show of "The Sound of Music."  Summer 2013.

Hug your MOM today!

Love, Betsy

Random Thursday vol. 2

Hi everyone!

Before I start in on Random Thursday, I have a Jude update.

Two months!! 

Tom and I are posing him next to his Cubby Bear -- a Christmas gift from Grandma Neerhof -- for each of these milestones.  This photo is my favorite so far.

Just to compare...

I see him every day, so it's hard to notice all of his changes until I look at photos like this.  I love how he's all curled up in the first one  :)  

Jude has been sleeping in a little cradle next to our bed ever since he was born.  A Fisher Price rock-n-sleep.

We LOVE this thing.  If you're expecting babies, you should get one.  He sleeps soundly on his back and it mimics being held...so it's nice and snuggly.

But, all things must come to an end.  We decided to try out the CRIB for the first time last night.

He's had a few short naps in his crib, but we hadn't attempted a whole night yet.

He fell asleep on schedule.  We got him into a sleep sack and laid him down, baby monitor on.  We watched him on the little video screen and he didn't move...he was sleeping!  IN HIS CRIB!  OMG!

Tom and I high-fived and thought we were pretty awesome.

I think Jude's "sleep" lasted about half an hour.  Then came the binky war.

Jude has loved his binky ever since day 2.  I know some people think they're controversial and shouldn't be used. 

Those people are wrong.  Binkies are sanity-savers.

Anyway, Jude likes to sleep on his back with his head to the side, and when he turns, the bink falls out.  So this became our pattern: turn head, bink out, Jude fuss.  Over and over.  I went in about 5 times to put it back in his mouth.  By this time, Tom and I were in bed and were trying to sleep as well.  

Finally...we had quiet and our little man was OUT.  

My phone went off at 12:30 so I could get up to pump (oh the joy) and he was still sleeping...YES!  It wasn't until 2:00 that I heard him beginning to stir.  So, 10:30-2:00 was our first stretch in the crib.  Not bad, right?

After feeding, he fell asleep in my arms, then went back to bed at 3:00.  I was BEYOND tired.  We had another brief binky war for about 10 minutes and I said enough...back to the cradle.  So I put him in the cradle and no luck.  He just wasn't content.  I should have tried harder.  I should have rocked him more.  I should have burped him again.  I should have BLAH BLAH BLAH, whatever!  I feel like I could say "I should have" all night long!  What really happened was this: I put him where I like him best...snuggled up in bed with me.

WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA you co-slept?!  Oh, the horrors!

No, it's actually okay for a few hours.  I spoke to a nurse at the hospital when Jude was born and she told me that nursing mommies sleep lighter and respond more quickly to their babies' noises, so it's not a huge deal when they're tiny like this.  That nurse was right.  Whenever I have him in bed next to me I never reach REM.  And that's fine, because I know that he does.  And he needs it more than I do.

Haha, that story ended up being much longer than I thought it would be!  I have decided I'm NOT going to let myself be pushed into switching him over too fast.  We still have time before he is too big for his sweet little cradle...and he is only this small for such a short time.  I'm going to treasure all the nights he's next to us as much as I can!

Let's move on.  It's time for...

Random Thursday!!

1.  My favorite fruit depends on the season.  Fall is all about apples.  Winter, I love oranges...I craved them when I was pregnant.  Spring, it's that berry mix that Hy Vee has on their salad bar -- rasp, blue, black, strawberry and kiwi.  Yum.  Summer is all about fresh pineapple, because I like to pretend I'm somewhere tropical.

2.  Have you ever watched The Dead Poets Society?  How about Mona Lisa Smile?  I adore both movies and I feel like they are versions of each other.  One male, one female.  DPS is far more dramatic and sad, though.

3.  Tom's favorite Dr. Seuss book is "The 500 Hats of Bartholomew Cubbins."

4.  Every time I go to Hobby Lobby, I look at the lamps for about 10 minutes and think about buying one.  I never do, though.  I just really love lamps.

5.  I have never eaten catfish.

6.  If Tom and I could choose anyone in the world to be our next door neighbors, it would be Mitch and Cam from "Modern Family."

7.  Guitars:  Taylor > Martin.  I can tell you why sometime in Tunage Tuesday.  Marty (in the band) would argue with me, but I stand by my choice.

8.  The most fun I've ever had watching a Broadway show was when I saw Spamalot.  I saw it while chaperoning the MCHS Concert Choir on one of their trips to NYC.  I got to sit next to my college choir director, Dr. Torkelson.  He has this laugh that is immediately contagious and it made everything funny in the show, about 2000x funnier.

9.  This week, in my Instructional Technology class, I learned what "boolean search" means.  Yup.  Never knew until this week.

10.  LET'S HEAR IT FOR THE BOY!

HEY, TOMMY!

Love, Betsy

Like a hawk dropping in on some prey...

Interesting subject line, right?  I don't even know if hawks are predators.  I should ask my 8-year old nephew...he loves hawks.  In fact, his family is a Nebraska Husker family, but he has declared himself an Iowa Hawkeye fan many times simply because "he just really likes hawks."  

His name is Aren.  He is also a boat captain, as you can see.

  Well, the story behind today's post's name happened today at the doctor's office.  Our little Jude is TWO MONTHS OLD today!  

Two months old means lots of smiles, coos, eyes tracking across the midline, new clothes to fit into, lots of tummy time, and sleeping less during the day and more at night!

It also means a doctor's appointment with the 

Big

Bad

SHOTS!

Yes, it was time for his first round of immunizations.  No, this picture wasn't taken at the doctor's -- it's just an everyday fussy picture and that lower lip KILLS ME!  

I was nervous and worried all morning about these shots.  I texted my friend for advice and I asked my sister what to expect.  They told me it would be okay, that he would do great and I shouldn't worry.  I wasn't so much worried about the actual shots as I was worried about Jude's reaction.  I hate it when he is in pain and I wish with all of my heart that I could take it for him.

But, the time came.  Tom was able to come along with us on his last day of curriculum writing (thank you God) and we went over to the Regency clinic.

Jude made it through his checkup with flying colors--here are his 2-month stats:

Head: 16 inches (90th percentile--HUGE BRAIN!)

Weight: 10 lbs. 5 oz. (25th percentile)

Height: 22.5 inches (5th percentile)

Tom always said "I hope he has my height and her looks."  Well, it kinda looks like he got my height and his head size...LOL!  

After measuring and checking reflexes and all the other good stuff, it was time.

I've never been afraid of needles, and shots don't bother me at all.  However, Daddy HATES them...

...and I think he was actually much more worried than I was!

Jude got his shots.  And he screamed "like a hawk dropping in on some prey," said my husband.  

I couldn't take a picture.  His poor little face was so distraught.  I thought I'd want to cry but I actually just felt like a Mama Bear.  My instinct was leaning toward "FIGHT" rather than "SAD."  (No worries, I didn't claw out the nurse's eyes or anything.)

I got him fed immediately after his shots were over, and we gave him a dose of Tylenol.  My mom came over to snuggle him while I worked on grad homework...

..and he had a pretty nice afternoon.  No more than 5 minutes here and there of crying.   He's sleeping now and I'm hoping it will be his first long stretch of the night.

I LOVE BEING A MOMMY!

Happy Tuesday!  Love, Betsy

a follow-up

I just posted "comparisons."  I'd been working on it for a few days.

Now I need to get back to my lighthearted nature and share about how great the weekend was... maybe it was exactly what I needed to feel that emotional weight lift off my shoulders?  Life is really good.  I'll show you why.

These. FACES!  My son is the master of expression.  We call this "Le Tigre," or "Blue Steel."  It's not quite "Magnum" yet, because you gotta tame the beast before you let it out of the cage.

Anyone?  Zoolander?....

I captured those faces on the way to Calmar (Tom's hometown) on Thursday afternoon.  We went over to share with his family in the celebration of a dear friend's life. Marilyn was a beautiful person with an electric smile and kind, loving heart.  She was a friend of Tom's folks and we attended one of the most uplifting visitations I've ever been to.  We were sad, of course, but I left feeling encouraged.  She is with Jesus now and I'm sure her smile is bigger than ever.  :)

I don't think there is anything cuter than babies wearing overalls.  We were blessed with TONS of hand-me-down baby boy clothes (thank you Angie and Jeanne!) and this is one of our favorites.  It's still pretty big for him but I couldn't resist.

Friday -- we had our first summer lunch at the Clear Lake seawall!  This is something Tom and I have done for a few years and we couldn't wait to bring Jude along.  The weather was perfect and so was he...and I love that picture of him with his daddy in shades.  Those sunglasses were a gift from my friend Lara and her baby boy Liam who came for a visit on Thursday!  :)

Friday night was so much fun.  An impromptu BBQ turned Betty and the Gents jam session at Chereen and Brian Stroup's home!

It was perfect.  We missed Brett but he's lounging by the pool in Arizona...I don't think he misses us :)

Selfie with my special friend Marty...LOL

Baby Jude did so well at the BBQ.  He cuddled with Mommy's friends, expired at 9:30 (this baby is clockwork!), and came home to a bath and the CUTEST pajamas I've ever seen...complete with a hat!  :)  Thank you Grandma Neerhof for the PJs!

Saturday -- Tom had a basketball tournament, where he coached some of our Mohawk girls.  Jude sat with Grandma Kirby and took a nap during the game.  Even with the NIACC buzzer which is comparable to a million air horns being played by a group of stampeding wildebeests.  What a little champ.

Grandma and Grandpa Kirby stayed for the rest of the day and babysat Jude that evening so we could have a date night!  Dinner at the Quarry with friends (again, impromptu -- so fun, thanks Knolls, Lathams and Mr. Pang!) followed by the 40th birthday celebration of our beautiful friend Carol!

with my friends Deidra and Carol - the birthday girl!

The party was at the Frank Lloyd Wright-designed Park Inn Hotel.  I LOOOOVE that place and I get so excited whenever we have a chance to go.

Nothing better than good friends and tons of laughter.  

THIS is why I'm feeling like myself again.  Laugher is therapy.  So is a good conversation.

Kim's famous SELFIE SHOT - look at Jeremy.  LOL

With Angie, one of my favorite girls EVER!

We came home smiling and refreshed.  I cherish those friends and the time was short (I missed my sweet baby) but so, so good.

Sunday -- more basketball!  Tom and Coach Curt Klaahsen (our Mohawk girls' head coach and Tom's coaching partner) went head-to-head today on the court.  Tom's team lost, but he thought he won for jumping around and yelling like a crazyperson.  I was there, and I concur.

Coach Klaahsen and Coach Kirby plus a tiny good-luck charm!

Tom and Jude got to snuggle post-game and watch the Cubs...

...and Jude gave Tom his Father's Day gift.  Some of our favorite photos of the two of them.

Today was one of those days -- they're becoming rare, thank goodness -- where we had a long fussy spell.  He gets tired and CRAAAAANKY which leads to screaming fits.  For these moments, we love our SwaddleMe swaddler.  This thing is like a velcro straight-jacket for babies and is absolutely miraculous.  Jude loves it.  He is almost always instantly calm when we put him in this.

After a much-needed nap...:)

Tom shouldn't have had to cook dinner tonight, since it's Father's Day and all, but he did.  I love that guy.  We enjoyed dinner alongside a third or so of "The Great Gatsby."

I hope you all had a happy Father's Day.  I loved seeing all the pictures of dads on Facebook today.  Dads are pretty amazing.  Including the one I have.  

 

Have a great week.  Remember, comparison is the thief of joy...treasure the person you are and choose the joy!

One more picture...

LOL...like father, like son...

Love, Betsy

comparisons.

I struggle with something once in a while.

Actually, that's a complete lie--I struggle with it all the time.

Comparison.

Before I go deeper, let me say this -- I am blessed and I am so thankful for what God has given me.  Only by his GRACE do I have an incredible husband and beautiful son...Tom and I have a house to live in, jobs we love, passions we share.  We have amazing families who are loving and supportive.  We have a healthy baby who sleeps through the night!, smiles, eats well, and I could go on and on about him...

Then what on earth is my deal?

I'm pretty sure I have struggled with this since I was very young.  

I was the shortest girl in my class.  I had the smallest feet (bizarre that felt sad about this, yes?).  I had boring hair that didn't poof up as high as the other girls' (ha!).  I couldn't shoot a basketball or win a race.  I was a "nerd" because I carried my instrument home every day to practice.  I didn't wear designer jeans.  I didn't get an A in math, but that other girl did.

I could go on for a long time...I have a pretty sharp memory of my childhood, and the emotional memories are the strongest.  My heart still hurts sometimes when I think of things that happened more than 20 years ago.

I wish I could say this penchant for comparing myself to others diminished as I grew up.  But it definitely did not.  After middle school (ugh) came high school.  It didn't get easier. 

In college, it got better.  Wartburg was the place where I met people who understood me, who shared my goals, who took me for me.  

After graduation, it was time to face the big bad REAL WORLD -- new town, new job, new life.  I struggled leaving the "Wartburg bubble" behind.  I missed my roommates, I missed the choir, I missed being transparent with everyone I knew.  I became unsettled.

So here I am, ten years after college and the official start of being a "grown-up".  There are peaks and valleys in life -- in all situations.  Sometimes I feel really great.  I have days where I am confident in my abilities, I am content with my house, I'm not worried about money, the jeans I'm wearing make my butt look good, my singing voice is hitting all the right notes -- I can hold my chin up, because life is good.

But gosh, there are some days filled with moments where my tendency to compare rears its ugly head.  

I'll start thinking about my singing voice and wish it had qualities it just doesn't have.  I want my voice to sound like that voice.

I'll wish I'd practiced piano more so maybe I could play as well as that one person who can play any and every piece flawlessly.  I want my hands to play piano like that person's hands.

I think about my job, which I love, that doesn't pay as well as the job I could have if I'd done better in math and science.  I want to have money like that person has money.

I remember that our little house hasn't sold.  I think about the empty lot we purchased and think about the house we designed, to someday stand there.  I want a beautiful house like that person's beautiful house.

  

I think it was God who said "You shall not covet."  Yes, He did say it, in Exodus 20:17.  He didn't say "you probably shouldn't covet" or "it's not a good idea to covet" or "eh, you can covet a little but don't get carried away."  He said thou shalt not.  We don't have a choice here, people!

It's so hard for me to remember on a daily basis -- no, rather a moment-by-moment basis -- that God created us uniquely with gifts and talents.  

He created me.  There is NO other person just like me.  God has me exactly where I need to be, and others where He needs them.

If there is no other person like me, then there is no comparison. 

No one can compare with ME.

And you -- yes, you -- no one can compare with YOU.

So can I choose joy, like this lovely photo says?  I can.  Not every day, all day.  But I definitely CAN.  Instead of being quietly sad and sorry for myself about things I can't control or change, I'll choose joy.  

I'll choose joy right now.  

(photo credit)

I chose it.  My heart is full.

Will you join me in choosing joy?  Let's ditch comparison and remember God's intent in creating us, each unique and beautiful.

:)

Love, Betsy